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She stands majestically alongside the white sandy shoreline, looking out across the pacific ocean.

The Moana surfrider hotel, also known as the first lady of Waikiki had me mesmerized ever since my first visit to Hawaii in 2011. Her old soul spoke to mine.

Built in the late 19th century as the first hotel in Waikiki, the Moana opened in 1901. There have been many renovations and additions to the hotel in that time. These days she has been restored to what one could imagine as her original glory.

In the center of the Moana Surfrider's courtyard stands a large banyan tree, planted in 1904. When planted, the tree was nearly seven feet tall and about seven years old. It now stands 75 feet high and spans 150 feet across the courtyard.

Hawaii has always had a piece of my heart, the energy there does something magical to my spirit that I can't quite explain. 

In 2018, after multiple visits to Hawaii, always wanting to stay at The Moana but never being in the position to I finally did.

After a ten hour flight across the ocean we arrived. She was just as beautiful as I had remembered. 

Walking down the chandelier laden hallway, tropical scents danced through the air. We gazed around in awe smelling the beautiful purple handmade leis around our necks, as we followed the hotel staff member to our room. 

"Is this place haunted?, I asked excitedly. The man giggled a little and paused. "Depends who you ask, some of the night shift team definitely have their stories", he said.

Once back in our room, overlooking the ocean, smelling the salt and hearing the waves drop along with excited gasps and screams of swimmers dodging the waves, I had already forgotten about what the man had said.


Our stay was amazing, relaxing and everything one would want it to be yet at night I really struggled. I found I would drift off to sleep, only to be woken at 11PM each night.

When I woke, I can't explain the feeling, and I couldn't shake it until early morning, then I would go back to sleep and wake up feeling fine again. When the feelings would come over me, I couldn't shake them, it was like I didn't quite know what to do with myself, physically I felt nauseous like I wanted to vomit but couldn't.

I had a upset stomach and felt extremely anxious which is not normal for me. Too many pina coladas perhaps?, to be sure I stopped  drinking and was even careful about what I ate.

On the fourth evening, I started to wonder if perhaps The moana surfrider was actually haunted. Curiously a did a lot of searching that night, and spent the next day talking to staff. I found that there was in fact a unsolved murder that happened at The Moana back in 1905.


This is what I found online :

In January 14, 1905 at 11:15PM, Jane Stanford cried out for her servants and hotel staff to call for a physician, declaring that she had lost control of her body and believed she had been poisoned.

What took place upon the arrival of Francis Howard Humphris, the hotel physician:

As Humphris tried to administer a solution of bromine and chloral hydrate. Mrs. Stanford, now in anguish, exclaimed, 'My jaws are stiff. This is a horrible death to die.' Whereupon she was seized by a tetanic spasm that progressed relentlessly to a state of severe rigidity: her jaws clamped shut, her thighs opened widely, her feet twisted inwards, her fingers and thumbs clenched into tight fists, and her head drew back. Finally, her respiration ceased. Stanford was dead from strychnine poisoning.

It all started to make sense, the wakings every night at 11:00PM, the unease in my body. I was energetically picking up the feelings of Jane Stanford. Who was Jane Stanford I wondered?, I began to search some more.

I found that Jane Stanford was a co-founder of Stanford University in 1885 (opened 1891) along with her husband, Leland Stanford, as a memorial to their only child, Leland Stanford Jr., who died in 1884 at the age of 15.

Two months before his 16th birthday, on March 13, 1884, Leland Stanford Junior died of Typhoid.

Leland Stanford Sr is said to have had a dream about his departed son, who in the dream urged his parents to keep on living for the good of humanity.  He basically told him that even though he'd lost his son, they still had the children of the world, they were also his children and he had to keep going because they needed him.

Jane and Leland then decided to open Stanford university (yes THE Stanford university).

The more I read, the more I found Jane to be an incredible woman, a strong, determined and generous soul. 

In speech she had not been able to deliver, Jane Stanford says "We full realise our own weakness and our own inability to accomplish anything by ourselves. We are not deserving of praise for what we have done; we are merely following out a great plan that was conceived by one far greater than ourselves, our heavenly father, and we are but only instruments to his loving hands".

And directed at students of the university she said ; "I hope your lives will be truly earnest, not in the sense to acquire great wealth and great names, but to be conscientious workers.

Jane, experimented with spiritualism during the waning years of the 19th century. I was intrigued.

Many other guests had reported Jane walking through the halls at night, some had said she was asking where her room was, as things had changed so much since with the renovations.

I suddenly recalled the night, early on in our trip that my travel companion (my beautiful mother) and I were sitting outside on the balcony, at night in the famous rocking chairs, overlooking the street performers with our hot choccies post dinner, when the door behind us slammed shut. There was no wind. I even made a joke at the time to the shocked and startled stranger sitting next to us but I couldn't deny my chills. After speaking to hotel staff, I discovered that this was the very spot her room would have been.


On the fifth night, when the rest of the hotel was asleep, I crept downstairs, having a fair idea of where her room would have been now.

The wooden floorboards shrieked under my feet, making me jump as I fearlessly made my way down the long corridor in the dark, and stood where I believed her room to have been.

I said the prayer I know to be most powerful in times of contact with spirit, as I prayed for her soul I suddenly felt what she needed and the reason she was still there after all these years, was to feel seen, be acknowledged, remembered and most of all for her story to be known and told. 

As I went back to bed, I felt a sense of calm that I'd otherwise not have felt in that hotel room at night. Every night for the rest of our stay, I was able to peacefully drift off to sleep and once again enjoy my Pina colada at happy hour without concern.


As I wheeled my suitcase down the corridor past Janes room, I said another little prayer, told her I'd be back soon and promised to share her story.

I went back to the Moana the year after and did not have any such experience, yet I did acknowledge Jane and I always will. 

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Updated: Aug 23, 2019

Recently I had a lot of questions around how I could remain actively connected to the divine, continue to live my dharmic path and still stay true to my spiritual values while also living in the physical world, having to pursue other commitments and sometimes entering environments and situations that don't entirely align.

The clouds of confusion had me wondering at times if it was even possible, was I living a lie?. Was I undoing every step I'd ever taken and worked for towards the evolvement of my soul, one step forwards five back ?. I honestly wasn't sure. I even explored fleeting thoughts of running away to the mountains, renouncing my name, identity and any physical attachments I had made with the material.

Living in an Ashram or monastery, and avoiding the tamasic situations and commitments in my life wasn't an option. I simply could not just 'Wither in the ether' or live my life in 24 hour meditation. I needed answers.


Last month I went on a Bhakti retreat in the Blue mountains nsw. On the first night I a polar bear kept stepping forward for me during the meditations. I was busy processing so many teachings from the night so kinda brushed old mate Polar bear in that moment. The next day I was sitting in the communal living area and right there, on the mantle piece I spotted him. A bear ornament. Okay I duly noted, I will be sure to look up polar bear and bear spirit medicine later tonight when I get back to my room. During one of the workshops that day, a fellow seeker asked; "How can I be on this path and stay aligned and practice non attachment when I leave here this weekend, I have a job to go to that isn't spiritual, kids to attend to, other commitments and I have to pay for a roof over my head, eat and have clothes on my back".

My teacher answered this question so gracefully and spoke a lot about how to remain spiritually aligned while still living in the physical world. "You should have a right to work but never to the fruit of the work, you should never engage in action for the sake of the reward, nor should you long for inaction" - Bhagavad Gita - In my teachers words "your whole life can become an offering to the divine", everything you do, focus on the journey not the result, she answered.

"It doesn't matter if you are the garbage man, you be the best damn garbage man you can be". She meant Regardless of what you are doing, do it well, for the right reasons and be present.

"Consider your actions, ask yourself in each moment; "Is it taking me closer to the divine or further away".


That night, when I got back to my room I looked up the polar bear and found that the message was ; "This arctic bear may be here to guide you between the living world and the spirit world and show you how to easily move between them". "brown bear inspires us to continue to bring balance and integrity to the physical world"

On the way home from the retreat, we stopped for one last meal together, walking through the freezing streets of Katoomba in winter, I spotted another bear ornament in the window of a charity shop.... As we turned into my street, a van was parked outside Bunnings a van offering home maintenance services, the logo was a polar bear... And there has been many more polar bears and bears thrown in my path since that weekend. And so the journey.. the lessons .. continue ! Xx

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Updated: Aug 23, 2019

As a avid beach goer, and someone that lives at the beach, witnessing swimmers not being able to be revived after meeting with the ocean are both; particularly painful and unfortunately not uncommon experiences for me. Being a empath means that every experience has been felt on a extremely deep level.

One occasion in particular affected me the most. It was a sunny public holiday in 2014, my then fiance and I had spent the day at a local bay sunbathing, snorkeling and enjoying the weather and the ocean. 

A crow swooped over head erratically breaking into the divinity, I hadn't noticed it until my fiance mentioned, "That bird really has a issue with something down here today", I blew it off and thought nothing of it. 

Later in the day we witnessed a fellow snorkeler, a man we recognised from earlier in the day, being dragged from the water unconscious. Watching helplessly as caring bystanders, the dedicated surf lifesaving team, and a doctor that had flown in by chopper, all put in massive efforts to revive this man, unfortunately they were not to be successful. 

Witnessing from a spiritual empathic level that man fighting between the two worlds, to stay within his body was such a profound experience for me. 

Afterwards we reflected upon the crow, and after exploring crow further discovered crow to be a messenger between worlds. Crows for centuries have been closely connected with death. The main reason for this is crows feed on carrion--the flesh of the dead. Because of this many cultures associate crows with death and dying.

And thus my introduction to the world of spirit animals as messengers was born....

I have had many more instances of Crow coming since.

Just this weekend I was away on a yoga retreat, and we passed a piece of paper around with empty one hour massage slots and chose one each. I chose mine at the end of the week, there was a inner knowing that I just needed to have that particular spot for reasons I can't explain.

We woke one morning to a single crow swooping and making erratic noises around the cabins. As I walked over to the main building the Crow flew off towards my cabin (all the cabins were close together) I had a sense that he was here for someone today, just not for me.

Later in the day my massage came, I excitedly tumbled into the massage cabin (conveniently right next to my cabin which was to make for a quick return post massage for a pre yin class shower). I sensed the lady's energy was rather flat, she (also a energy healer) was quick to explain upon greeting me that I was her sixth client and that she was a bit tired today.

Fifteen minutes into my massage treatment she broke down and told me that she wanted to be honest and just before my appointment she received a message saying her friend had just died. Being a empath means that I feel other peoples emotions as my own, so we both sat and cried together. As it turns out, the appointment I chose was for me to hold space for her not for me. And the crow was definitely there for the therapist.

The next day, I thought to myself there will be no crow today (we hadn't seen any at our retreat until the previous day and we were near the end of the week long stay). I woke up and heard crow cry again, I second guessed, perhaps crow wasn't part of this experience after all.

A hour later at the closing ceremony, we went around the circle and shared with each other. When it came to the lady next to me, she shared that her mother in law had just taken her last breath this morning. Crow was there to deliver the message to her.

Now it is important to note that to just see a crow doesn't always signify death or always bring about a message, is the crow or animal significantly out of place to where it would usually be?, you will find the noise crow makes under these circumstances extremely unsettling and something you may have not heard before.

Wise words of one of my favorite NZ mediums Kelvin Cruickshank; "Sometimes, a leaf falls off a tree and it is... just a leaf that has simply fallen from a tree". What he is saying is that although nature carries messages, not everything is a message.

I tend to see and work with spirit animals a lot in my third eye these days, usually they will step forward as a vision during a meditation or in a relaxed state. This allows me to enjoy and work with the messages and medicine, of animals that I wouldn't always come across in everyday Australian life.

When I am working on a client, and I am in their auric field sometimes a animal will present itself. I only share these messages with consent from the client prior to the treatment. I understand it goes against some peoples values and belief systems and I truly respect this. This doesn't happen every treatment, and I have no control over what might or might not present itself.

Sometimes the animals or maybe even an insect that steps forward isn't always as glamorous as one might like it to be. For instance, perhaps your spirit animal is a cockroach or even a fly..

I recently had a three week period where 2 smaller sized flies had randomly come from no where and flew into my mouth. The third.. I hope your not eating lunch when I say I found at the bottom of a brought coffee when I opened the lid to finish the last bit...

As it turns out The fly spirit animal symbolises abundance and prosperity during times of adversity. It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory. So it wasn't so sinister after all.


According to Colleen Mcann; Spirit animal is characterized as a teacher or messenger that comes in the form of an animal and has a personal relationship to an individual. Other names might be animal guides, power animals, or animal helpers. It is believed that you do not choose the animal, rather it chooses, or has already chosen you. The animal is there to provide “medicine” to the recipient in the form of guidance, lessons, protection, power, or wisdom. Shamans worldwide have relied on the guidance, wisdom, and symbolism of spirit animals for thousands of years.


1.You can have one or several spirit animals throughout your lifetime. They can come in and out of our lives to give us guidance, teach us about ourselves, and help us maintain balance. The timing and direction we are headed on our path, a specific occasion that may arise, phases of life, or tasks that need to be completed along our journey will dictate what animal steps forward to help.

2.An animal can bring us a message in several ways. We can physically cross paths with the animal, we can dream about it, it can visit us in our meditations.

3.Your spirit animal often represents qualities and attributes that you may see in yourself. On a base level, you want to understand the general vibe of the animal and look at it as an archetypal figure in your life; a symbolic representation of you. You may never personally interact with your animal, like a tiger or whale. But pay attention to the details like specific behaviors, character traits, habitat, diet, life events.


Another deep encounter that I had with both death and animal guides was in 2016.

The loss of my father in law, a man who was very much a second dad to me for 13 years of my life, a man who meant so much to me, and helped guide and shape me into the person I am today. 

This heartbreaking time was also very much a big deal in my path of awakening. Experiencing with him and my beautiful family during his transition, from this earthly plane to the after life really affected me deeply, perhaps more so than anything ever has. 

The day my husband and I arrived to NZ from Australia to be with him in his last days, we all gathered around his bed and we heard a Morepork call close to the house, "listen to that', my mother in law (who is of Maori heritage) said. We could all hear the call of the Morepork, not a common bird to be in the area. 

A Morepork is a small owl like bird native to New Zealand. Being said to originate from the underworld, the Morepork (Ruru) is strongly associated with the spirit world in Maori mythology. For example, it is believed that if a Morepork sits conspicuously nearby or enters a house there will be a death in the family and in times gone by these strong beliefs led to some  Maori eating Morepork, believing that it would prolong their lives.

The ancestral spirit of a family group can take the form of a Ruru in some Maori tradition. This spirit is known as Hine-ruru, the 'owl woman'. It is believed that these owl spirits can act as kaitiaki or guardians and have the power to protect, warn and advise.

While it’s high piercing ‘quee’ call spells bad news, its normal ‘more-pork’ call means that good news is on its way.

It wasn't until the night of the funeral we were to hear the Morepork call again, this was to be the last time a Morepork has been heard near the family home since.

Through this blog I hope to share many other stories and experiences I have had like this with you. 

Fear not.. 'If you don't believe in magic you'll never see it".

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